Post by CHANGEME on Jan 22, 2008 0:44:49 GMT -5
Please note that I don't intend for these to be personal slams, more just a spoof of loud-mouth talk show hosts or newspaper columnists than my own opinions...I just thought it would be more interesting than my normal drivel.
Boston Celtics
"Gee this looks familiar" award
With KG, Ray Allen, Paul Pierce, and Rajon Rondo still hanging around, you guys must really be living in the 2007-2008 season still.
Miami Heat
"Token white guy" award
where did that white Russian dude come from? Maybe there's more teams like this, but it jumped out at me. Maybe it's the contrast with Sheed....
New Jersey Nets
"Meet the basket" award
I just ran through the inside and outside scoring ratings and I saw two A- ratings...no wonder they scored a league-low 92.4 points per game. At least they have that small center...not that he's actually small...not sure where the Nets got that idea.
New York Knicks
"Wasted money" award
With 79M in payroll, you'd like to have more than Dwight Howard and Jameer Nelson. Looking for another good player...that shrimp can play a bit...nope, not a whole lot here...Shows how good Dwight Howard is that they won 49 games.
Orlando Magic
"Three point happy" award From having a dominant big man in the middle, now the team's highest inside scoring rating is B by a couple small forwards.
Philadelphia 76ers
"slowest pace" award
They have a lot of numbers affected by a slow pace, very few points allowed, low opponent's FG%. They have a very strong defensive team, so it works out for them.
Washington Wizards
"Mommy taught me to share" award
They're always giving away the ball, a league-high 16.6 turnovers per game, and that's a full turnover over the next worst.
Atlanta Hawks
"There's no 'D' in our team" award
109.5 points allowed is the highest in the league
Charlotte Bobcats
"TO sucks ass" award
I happen to know of their owners repulsion for #81, but I'm talking turnovers. The Bobcats take care of the ball better than any team in the league.
Chicago Bulls
"Theo Ratliff" award
Is it just me, or does Ben Wallace's expiring contract remind you a lot of Theo Ratliff.
Cleveland Cavaliers
"Dim the lights" award
Teams shot 46.9% against the Cavs, highest in the league. Do something about it,
Detroit Pistons
"best marketer" award
The way you got max value out of Tayshawn Prince was excellent.
Indiana Pacers
"underachievers of the year" award
This team had way too much talent to go 39-43.
Milwaukee Bucks
"what's shot selection" award
They shot a league-worst 42.2%
Toronto Raptors
"most in need of Kenny George" award
league-low 4.2 blocks per game. It's almost like they don't have height on their team...
Dallas Mavericks
"Great white disappointment" award
tall guy, white...gotta be Nowitzki, right? Oh, I guess it's Fazekas...too bad.
Denver Nuggets
"Damn they're good" award
The defense, rebounding, and scoring is just intimidating. No wonder they swept their first two series in the playoffs
Houston Rockets
"most thankful for a rookie" award
Patrick Beverly came in, blew up in the preseason and put up 23 points a game. That pick kinda worked out for them.
Minnesota Timberwolves
"most thankful for kindness" award
Imagine how bad they'd be without Al Jefferson. Wow.
San Antonio Spurs
"Most boring team" award
It's like real life, only they don't shoot 3 pointers anymore because they're too exciting.
Utah Jazz
"turnover just means a crappy version of pie" award
I'm not really sure what they accomplished, but they did have a ton of player turnover. Cool for the fans though, they got to see DWade, Bosh, and Vince Carter.
Memphis Grizzlies
"next year's breakout team" award
Is it just me, or are you looking at Conley and Mayo and imagining where they can go.
Golden State Warriors
"best reflection of real NBA style-wise" award
This team scores 108 points per game, and allows 107 points per game. run run run run run, defense optional.
Los Angeles Clippers
"hands in the pockets" award
A league-low 5.8 steals per game is 0.5 below the 2nd worst.
Los Angeles Lakers
"two superstars clash again" award
I just can't help but imagine another feud involving Kobe, what else can explain them not being good?
Phoenix Suns
"Strangest starting lineup" award
Only you could look good starting a 6'8 small forward at point guard.
Portland Trail Blazers
"swat city" award
You now know that having the middle full of shot blockers can really make a huge difference.
Sacramento Kings
"least likely to make a 1st round pick" award
It hasn't happened yet, and this year isn't looking good either.
Seattle Sonics
"rebuilding is overrated" award
they have Durant and Chris Paul. Green and CJ Miles look solid, but they still only win 37 games. At least fans are excited enough to snap out of their collective coma.
Boston Celtics
"Gee this looks familiar" award
With KG, Ray Allen, Paul Pierce, and Rajon Rondo still hanging around, you guys must really be living in the 2007-2008 season still.
Miami Heat
"Token white guy" award
where did that white Russian dude come from? Maybe there's more teams like this, but it jumped out at me. Maybe it's the contrast with Sheed....
New Jersey Nets
"Meet the basket" award
I just ran through the inside and outside scoring ratings and I saw two A- ratings...no wonder they scored a league-low 92.4 points per game. At least they have that small center...not that he's actually small...not sure where the Nets got that idea.
New York Knicks
"Wasted money" award
With 79M in payroll, you'd like to have more than Dwight Howard and Jameer Nelson. Looking for another good player...that shrimp can play a bit...nope, not a whole lot here...Shows how good Dwight Howard is that they won 49 games.
Orlando Magic
"Three point happy" award From having a dominant big man in the middle, now the team's highest inside scoring rating is B by a couple small forwards.
Philadelphia 76ers
"slowest pace" award
They have a lot of numbers affected by a slow pace, very few points allowed, low opponent's FG%. They have a very strong defensive team, so it works out for them.
Washington Wizards
"Mommy taught me to share" award
They're always giving away the ball, a league-high 16.6 turnovers per game, and that's a full turnover over the next worst.
Atlanta Hawks
"There's no 'D' in our team" award
109.5 points allowed is the highest in the league
Charlotte Bobcats
"TO sucks ass" award
I happen to know of their owners repulsion for #81, but I'm talking turnovers. The Bobcats take care of the ball better than any team in the league.
Chicago Bulls
"Theo Ratliff" award
Is it just me, or does Ben Wallace's expiring contract remind you a lot of Theo Ratliff.
Cleveland Cavaliers
"Dim the lights" award
Teams shot 46.9% against the Cavs, highest in the league. Do something about it,
Detroit Pistons
"best marketer" award
The way you got max value out of Tayshawn Prince was excellent.
Indiana Pacers
"underachievers of the year" award
This team had way too much talent to go 39-43.
Milwaukee Bucks
"what's shot selection" award
They shot a league-worst 42.2%
Toronto Raptors
"most in need of Kenny George" award
league-low 4.2 blocks per game. It's almost like they don't have height on their team...
Dallas Mavericks
"Great white disappointment" award
tall guy, white...gotta be Nowitzki, right? Oh, I guess it's Fazekas...too bad.
Denver Nuggets
"Damn they're good" award
The defense, rebounding, and scoring is just intimidating. No wonder they swept their first two series in the playoffs
Houston Rockets
"most thankful for a rookie" award
Patrick Beverly came in, blew up in the preseason and put up 23 points a game. That pick kinda worked out for them.
Minnesota Timberwolves
"most thankful for kindness" award
Imagine how bad they'd be without Al Jefferson. Wow.
San Antonio Spurs
"Most boring team" award
It's like real life, only they don't shoot 3 pointers anymore because they're too exciting.
Utah Jazz
"turnover just means a crappy version of pie" award
I'm not really sure what they accomplished, but they did have a ton of player turnover. Cool for the fans though, they got to see DWade, Bosh, and Vince Carter.
Memphis Grizzlies
"next year's breakout team" award
Is it just me, or are you looking at Conley and Mayo and imagining where they can go.
Golden State Warriors
"best reflection of real NBA style-wise" award
This team scores 108 points per game, and allows 107 points per game. run run run run run, defense optional.
Los Angeles Clippers
"hands in the pockets" award
A league-low 5.8 steals per game is 0.5 below the 2nd worst.
Los Angeles Lakers
"two superstars clash again" award
I just can't help but imagine another feud involving Kobe, what else can explain them not being good?
Phoenix Suns
"Strangest starting lineup" award
Only you could look good starting a 6'8 small forward at point guard.
Portland Trail Blazers
"swat city" award
You now know that having the middle full of shot blockers can really make a huge difference.
Sacramento Kings
"least likely to make a 1st round pick" award
It hasn't happened yet, and this year isn't looking good either.
Seattle Sonics
"rebuilding is overrated" award
they have Durant and Chris Paul. Green and CJ Miles look solid, but they still only win 37 games. At least fans are excited enough to snap out of their collective coma.
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